I feel so much better now

Armed with a diagnosis this post started out to be a goodbye comment to Barry, but has changed to possibly help other victims of a person having Antisocial Personality Disorder: a Sociopath with Psychopathic Tendencies. It's unfortunate but they are just physically wired wrong, and the only way to deal with them is to not to deal with them. There is No Known Treatment that works, however there are some that may have recognized they have a problem and are working to get in the norm. But, as the "Shrinks" state, it may just be another ploy to get what they want.

I'll be working on this post over the next several days and have decided not to change or remove any of my previous posts hoping they can be read objectively and referred to. Also in hopes that some may identify with what I have been dealing with all of my life and be able to use that to get themselves some help.

Another reason for this post: Going through the research for assistance I found plenty of sites offering assistance for women, care givers, and how to identify an ADP person, but absolutely nothing for dealing with the situation of a Family Member with ADP. In my case, an elder sibling that just won't go away.

A couple words of warning; (1) if you have been entrapped by a person having APD, there is absolutely nothing you can do to help them or keep yourself safe from them except to run as far away from them as possible and don't let anyone know where you are at for a while - and then only close, un-compromised, trusted Friends/Family. (2) if it's a family member and they are attacking you and other family members are sucked into their falsehoods, I'm sorry but you have to suck it up and refer to (1). Your family is gone! You are on your own. GET OUT NOW! And YOU ARE NOT ILL! Although you'll probably need to seek some counseling to "Get them out of your Head."

A word of advice; APD people are resourceful. No matter how dumb you think they are. They have a way of finding out information you don't want them to know. Anyone that may know where you are - that the ADP person has even a twinkling of an idea about - is subject to being "questioned" by the person with ADP.

Case in point. G*** moved across the country to get away from K***. G*** made the mistake of telling someone G*** worked with, someone G*** only knew at work and never mentioned to K***, where G*** was moving to (and didn't think anything of it). Eleven months after G***'s move K*** showed up at G***'s door. G*** hadn't told anybody - even family - where G*** was. G*** did a little research and found out that K*** showed up at G***'s old office Christmas Party and was chatting with everyone, finally K*** hit upon G***'s office friend and they said something about G*** moving to ****. That was all K*** needed. K*** was gone from the party in minutes and in two months K*** showed up on G***'s doorstep. G*** immediately moved and had to start all over again. This time the right way. But, G*** forfeited her last paycheck, and had to deal with breaking a lease without giving out any information. It gave G*** a Black mark which K*** could not care less about. Three weeks after G***'s second move there was a wedding announcement in G***'s (second) old town's newspaper between K*** and S***. It took less than 3 weeks for K*** to find a new victim! Two months after that a nasty announcement of annulment between K*** and S***. Apparently S*** was a short term sucker and recognized K*** for what K*** was.

Three times my brother destroyed my Life, there will not be a fourth! I chose the furthest University away from Home that I could just to be away from him. Ten years later he was back in my life destroying it. I moved again, but it was too late for my Mother, she was already entrapped. Six years after that; A pleading phone call from my Mother to "Get him Out of my house." Which she denies to this day even though she's heard the tape of the conversation. She's still entrapped.

Take my advice, as soon as your gut tells you there is something wrong, RUN! If they are your neighbor, just keep it to "Hello, How ya doing?, Have a good Day." The very moment they start to tell you about their problems or their life achievements - usually out of the blue - you should see a giant red flag going up and your gut will probably wrench. You better pay attention to it. Keep yourself at "Hello. How Ya Doin?, have a good Day." and you'll be safe. They are just looking for a weakness and usually the "Pitty Pot" or "My life was Great back in the day...," is where they start.

In going through this I have met several people that have told me the same story as in warning (2) above. They all said the same things. Their family member drove them out, but they did it to protect themselves. It was painful, but it was the best thing they ever did for themselves. Sooner or later other family members "figured it out" and managed to find them. The ones that didn't, well they were just gone from the get go.

I think it's genetic, weirdly genetic. Every one of my Mother's Brother's and Sister's eldest sons exhibits the same behavior. From a Doctor down to the village idiot. Well I'm not too sure about the Doctor, but he exhibits the same arrogance. I can describe what Barry has done to my Cousins and they all say I'm talking about their eldest brother. That's weird!

My First post was two years ago, and having just re-read it, I discovered I was describing the things on the various checklists for recognizing a Sociopath. For myself my anger was caused by me not recognizing what Barry is, thinking I could change him, and the fact that our Mother was being sucked in and I couldn't make her understand / see what he was doing.


Yes they have a lot of 'friends,' but the funny thing is that they don't know each other or don't interact with one another. The sociopath will do all in their power to keep his friends separated. Most likely so they don't compare notes. I remember a Christmas Party my Mother had for all the people that had helped Barry. It was a select group of people in the neighborhood and two other couples (we'll call them Couple A and Couple B). Couple A knew Barry for a long time and interacted with him quite a bit. Couple B knew Barry even longer and had worked with him quite often. It was fun to watch how when the couples were in the same room together Barry was always there and every time one of the couples mentioned something Barry would immediately say or do something to get them off the subject. Even just rudely interrupting. That didn't last but a few minutes before Barry succeeded in separating the couples keeping one outside the house. When couple A came out Barry instantly said, well I 've kept you out here long enough why don't you go in and sit and talk to Mom." Silver tongued devil. He successfully kept Couple A & B apart. Why would he do this? Because Couple B knew the truth about certain aspects of Barry's life that he had lied about to Couple A. If couple A ever found out, that would call into question everything Barry had ever told them and his usury would be discovered.

Their minds work like the Tabloids. They take one piece of truth and then start twisting it. By the time the story is done "The sky is Blue because of Blue Particles," rather than because it is Blue because the Atmosphere is full of water vapor.

Many, and I wonder if not all, would give up their lives rather that admit they Lied or committed a criminal act. I was talking to a Clinical Pyschologist who was trying to figure a way of explaining this behavior to someone wired correctly. I pondered, during a Superbowl game, an APD person walks on the field and shoots a quarterback in the head, killing him. All Eyes were on him, on the Jumbo-Tron, and Broadcast all over the world. He was definitely guilty, but maintains his innocence. The final sentence is "Admit your guilt and live free for the remainder of your life in Prison or take a bullet to the head." The APD person would choose the latter. The Clinical Psychologist said "Exactly, but it's not that simple, it depends on what perceived benefit they would get with either choice, but if that sentence was immediate and they didn't have time to think about it, I think they'd take the bullet." The thing is, there is no figuring them out. Each one is mis-wired differently.

Maybe the mis-wiring results in that the head can't talk to the heart?

The turning point for me (from helping Barry to protecting Myself) was when my Mother Bold Face Lied to me. Even when presented with the absolute, unquestionable proof that something she said happened, did not and could not have happened, she exhibited the same tendencies as Barry - denying the facts, and shifting blame. Barry had gotten her to lie for him. I knew then I had to get away, from both of them. I remembered how B**** told me that she lied for Barry. I've always known why she did the things to Barry that she did and I don't condone her for it. But it was her own ignorance of his mental situation that kept her with him and caused her to do the horrible things she did. So, I can forgive her. It was Barry and her ignorance-entrapment that caused her to do the things she did. She didn't heed warning number (1)!